Six Months Old!

Dear Eleanor:

I cannot believe you are already six months old!  I remember the last few weeks leading up to your birth; I was so anxious and excited and nervous for the big day.  I dreamed of what you might look like, and how our lives might change with your presence.  But as everyone says, I had absolutely no idea what I was in for.  You light up our lives with your ever-present smile, your giggles, your snuggles and your deep interest in everything around you.  You have learned so much in such a short time, and I am just in awe of everything you do.  You can roll over, and sit up, you practice walking any time someone will hold your tiny hands.  You charm us with your cooing, and babbling.  You adore Foster and find his antics endlessly funny.  You are a dream baby and we know how lucky we are that you were put in our lives.  Thank you for being such a beautiful, sweet girl and for that beaming smile every time I come to pick you up out of your crib.  You make me feel like the most loved and special person in the world, and I can only hope I make you feel the same way.

Happy half birthday baby girl.  There will be so many more milestones on our journey together, and some day 6 months won't seem so important, but today, 6 months is a big deal.  It is a lifetime.

I love you.

xoxo,

Momma

Mom & Dad

As E gets closer to talking, she is beginning to string together sounds, like ma-ma, da-da, ha-ha, la-la. It is so amazing to see the evolution of squeals and coos to something more closely resembling words. It got me to thinking more about her first words, and if they might be someone she loves like Momma or Daddy, or something she loves like poochie or her beloved milk, or one of her things like a stuffed bunny or a ball. It made me think how words will open up a whole new world for her.  She will begin to understand that everything has a special name, a way for you to understand it, define it, call out for it.  How throughout her life she will search for words to make sense of things, to connect with others, to give significance to her experiences.  It made me think about how special it will be the first time she says Momma, whenever that is, and truly knows the word means, me. That I am hers.  That if she calls out that word I will come for her, to help her, to comfort her, to play with her, to hug and kiss and love her.  It made me think about what being a mom means to me, and what I want it to mean to her. I want it to mean so many things; comfort, safety, and home, to begin with. I hope it means someone she knows she can lean on, someone who offers advice but doesn't push it on her, who she can be honest with & trust. I hope it is a name that will provide her with the things she needs as she grows up and as her needs change, changes with her.  Personally, it makes me want to be the very best version of me possible; a version of me that doesn't even exist yet, and truthfully may never exist.  But when I dream of it, I want her to have memories of a mom that kept the house neat & organized but was never so fussy that she couldn't play and have fun.  I want her to feel our home belongs to all of us.  I want her to have memories of a mom with impeccable manners and style.  I want her to have memories of us enjoying dinner as a family; talking and laughing.

Thinking of the words Mom and Dad, make me think of my own.  It makes me think of both the good and bad memories I associate with those words.  When I think of my mom, I think of girl scout camping trips; punching open big cans of Hawaiian punch to pour into Dixie cups.  I think of my sisters and I creating synchronized swimming performances while my mom watched from the swing down at our lake every day over the summer.  I think of endless craft projects, school trips with her as a chaperone, of her hugging me when I was sad, telling me over and over again, that "between the three of us (meaning my parents and I), there is nothing we can't solve together."  Those words felt so safe and comforting, and was such a wonderful thing for her to say to me when I was unsure of the world.  When I think of my dad, I think of him coming home from work and being so excited to see him.  He would sit down in the living room and we would try to help him get his boots off from work.  We would pull so hard on his boots and he would pull back with his foot making it a game, one we cherished.  I remember him piling us on his back as he crawled around the living room on all fours pretending to be Battle Cat from She-Ra.  I remember him walking the cross country course at the Middle School cheering me on even though I finished last on our team every single race.  He always told me that it didn't matter where I placed, as long as I finished.  I don't remember every feeling ashamed that I didn't do better, because he was so proud of me that I was proud of myself.

Those two words, Mom and Dad, also make me think of my husband's parents.  So many spouses begin to call their in-laws by these names over time.  In fact my own parents do this with their in-laws.  I haven't been married that long, but for some reason, I just can't get there yet.  I really love and admire my husband's parents.  They are lovely people and were wonderful parents to Matthew.  But I can't seem to feel comfortable yet calling them Mom or Dad.  Those two words have such a deep, entrenched meaning to me that they feel like names rather than terms.  I am sure that over the years, as my life is more entwined with theirs and we have more experience and memories together, that it will feel more normal to use those words with them, but for now, I'm keeping just the one mom and dad that I've got.  And I can't wait for Ellie to use those words for our family.  It may be a long time from now, but I am so looking forward to making sure that when she says Momma, it is a word that is full of love, and comfort, and safety and joy.

A Baptism

A few weekends ago we had Eleanor baptized. It was a wonderful ceremony attended by family and all our local friends. E wore a beautiful heirloom lace gown from my mother's side of the family and she looked so peaceful and pure. It was so meaningful to add that tradition to the day.

I'm so thankful we were able to help E begin her journey of faith. I hope it will become a cornerstone of her beliefs about the world, guide her in her decisions, provide her with comfort, strength and peace, and be a place to find meaning in her life.

I was recently discussing faith with a friend, and shared that I felt my relationship with God has made my life both more meaningful and comfortable. I find meaning & comfort every day; whether it is because I know He has a careful plan for us, or because I can turn to him in prayer, or because I realize how much I have to be thankful for each day; I know my life has a tone of respect, kindness, reverence and thanksgiving that He has shared with me. I only hope that I can be the example Eleanor needs to find her own relationship with God.

Bringing a little being into this world refocuses you. It reminds you in a new way why family is important; all families-- your nuclear family, your chosen family of friends, your extended family, your faith family. Each contributes so much and in such a unique way.

We are blessed beyond measure. Both in ways we can see, and in the delicate weaving of our lives that we cannot.

Welcome to a community that will always provide comfort Eleanor Paige. This love is encompassing and eternal.

Xo,

Momma