Monday, March 18, 2013
Wednesday, March 6, 2013
Sad Mac
My best friend moved to San Francisco.
And for those of you that are geographically challenged, that is exactly 2,131 miles west of Chicago, and me. He's been gone for 11 days and I really miss him. He moved for a job with his dream company and is really loving it. I couldn't be happier for him, but we sure feel his absence here in snowy, grey Chicago.
Hey San Francisco: You owe me.
Thursday, February 28, 2013
Six Months Old!
Dear Eleanor:
I cannot believe you are already six months old! I remember the last few weeks leading up to your birth; I was so anxious and excited and nervous for the big day. I dreamed of what you might look like, and how our lives might change with your presence. But as everyone says, I had absolutely no idea what I was in for. You light up our lives with your ever-present smile, your giggles, your snuggles and your deep interest in everything around you. You have learned so much in such a short time, and I am just in awe of everything you do. You can roll over, and sit up, you practice walking any time someone will hold your tiny hands. You charm us with your cooing, and babbling. You adore Foster and find his antics endlessly funny. You are a dream baby and we know how lucky we are that you were put in our lives. Thank you for being such a beautiful, sweet girl and for that beaming smile every time I come to pick you up out of your crib. You make me feel like the most loved and special person in the world, and I can only hope I make you feel the same way.
Happy half birthday baby girl. There will be so many more milestones on our journey together, and some day 6 months won't seem so important, but today, 6 months is a big deal. It is a lifetime.
I love you.
xoxo,
Momma
I cannot believe you are already six months old! I remember the last few weeks leading up to your birth; I was so anxious and excited and nervous for the big day. I dreamed of what you might look like, and how our lives might change with your presence. But as everyone says, I had absolutely no idea what I was in for. You light up our lives with your ever-present smile, your giggles, your snuggles and your deep interest in everything around you. You have learned so much in such a short time, and I am just in awe of everything you do. You can roll over, and sit up, you practice walking any time someone will hold your tiny hands. You charm us with your cooing, and babbling. You adore Foster and find his antics endlessly funny. You are a dream baby and we know how lucky we are that you were put in our lives. Thank you for being such a beautiful, sweet girl and for that beaming smile every time I come to pick you up out of your crib. You make me feel like the most loved and special person in the world, and I can only hope I make you feel the same way.
Happy half birthday baby girl. There will be so many more milestones on our journey together, and some day 6 months won't seem so important, but today, 6 months is a big deal. It is a lifetime.
I love you.
xoxo,
Momma
Sunday, February 24, 2013
Mom & Dad
As E gets closer to talking, she is beginning to string together sounds, like ma-ma, da-da, ha-ha, la-la. It is so amazing to see the evolution of squeals and coos to something more closely resembling words. It got me to thinking more about her first words, and if they might be someone she loves like Momma or Daddy, or something she loves like poochie or her beloved milk, or one of her things like a stuffed bunny or a ball. It made me think how words will open up a whole new world for her. She will begin to understand that everything has a special name, a way for you to understand it, define it, call out for it. How throughout her life she will search for words to make sense of things, to connect with others, to give significance to her experiences. It made me think about how special it will be the first time she says Momma, whenever that is, and truly knows the word means, me. That I am hers. That if she calls out that word I will come for her, to help her, to comfort her, to play with her, to hug and kiss and love her. It made me think about what being a mom means to me, and what I want it to mean to her. I want it to mean so many things; comfort, safety, and home, to begin with. I hope it means someone she knows she can lean on, someone who offers advice but doesn't push it on her, who she can be honest with & trust. I hope it is a name that will provide her with the things she needs as she grows up and as her needs change, changes with her. Personally, it makes me want to be the very best version of me possible; a version of me that doesn't even exist yet, and truthfully may never exist. But when I dream of it, I want her to have memories of a mom that kept the house neat & organized but was never so fussy that she couldn't play and have fun. I want her to feel our home belongs to all of us. I want her to have memories of a mom with impeccable manners and style. I want her to have memories of us enjoying dinner as a family; talking and laughing.
Thinking of the words Mom and Dad, make me think of my own. It makes me think of both the good and bad memories I associate with those words. When I think of my mom, I think of girl scout camping trips; punching open big cans of Hawaiian punch to pour into Dixie cups. I think of my sisters and I creating synchronized swimming performances while my mom watched from the swing down at our lake every day over the summer. I think of endless craft projects, school trips with her as a chaperone, of her hugging me when I was sad, telling me over and over again, that "between the three of us (meaning my parents and I), there is nothing we can't solve together." Those words felt so safe and comforting, and was such a wonderful thing for her to say to me when I was unsure of the world. When I think of my dad, I think of him coming home from work and being so excited to see him. He would sit down in the living room and we would try to help him get his boots off from work. We would pull so hard on his boots and he would pull back with his foot making it a game, one we cherished. I remember him piling us on his back as he crawled around the living room on all fours pretending to be Battle Cat from She-Ra. I remember him walking the cross country course at the Middle School cheering me on even though I finished last on our team every single race. He always told me that it didn't matter where I placed, as long as I finished. I don't remember every feeling ashamed that I didn't do better, because he was so proud of me that I was proud of myself.
Those two words, Mom and Dad, also make me think of my husband's parents. So many spouses begin to call their in-laws by these names over time. In fact my own parents do this with their in-laws. I haven't been married that long, but for some reason, I just can't get there yet. I really love and admire my husband's parents. They are lovely people and were wonderful parents to Matthew. But I can't seem to feel comfortable yet calling them Mom or Dad. Those two words have such a deep, entrenched meaning to me that they feel like names rather than terms. I am sure that over the years, as my life is more entwined with theirs and we have more experience and memories together, that it will feel more normal to use those words with them, but for now, I'm keeping just the one mom and dad that I've got. And I can't wait for Ellie to use those words for our family. It may be a long time from now, but I am so looking forward to making sure that when she says Momma, it is a word that is full of love, and comfort, and safety and joy.
Thinking of the words Mom and Dad, make me think of my own. It makes me think of both the good and bad memories I associate with those words. When I think of my mom, I think of girl scout camping trips; punching open big cans of Hawaiian punch to pour into Dixie cups. I think of my sisters and I creating synchronized swimming performances while my mom watched from the swing down at our lake every day over the summer. I think of endless craft projects, school trips with her as a chaperone, of her hugging me when I was sad, telling me over and over again, that "between the three of us (meaning my parents and I), there is nothing we can't solve together." Those words felt so safe and comforting, and was such a wonderful thing for her to say to me when I was unsure of the world. When I think of my dad, I think of him coming home from work and being so excited to see him. He would sit down in the living room and we would try to help him get his boots off from work. We would pull so hard on his boots and he would pull back with his foot making it a game, one we cherished. I remember him piling us on his back as he crawled around the living room on all fours pretending to be Battle Cat from She-Ra. I remember him walking the cross country course at the Middle School cheering me on even though I finished last on our team every single race. He always told me that it didn't matter where I placed, as long as I finished. I don't remember every feeling ashamed that I didn't do better, because he was so proud of me that I was proud of myself.
Those two words, Mom and Dad, also make me think of my husband's parents. So many spouses begin to call their in-laws by these names over time. In fact my own parents do this with their in-laws. I haven't been married that long, but for some reason, I just can't get there yet. I really love and admire my husband's parents. They are lovely people and were wonderful parents to Matthew. But I can't seem to feel comfortable yet calling them Mom or Dad. Those two words have such a deep, entrenched meaning to me that they feel like names rather than terms. I am sure that over the years, as my life is more entwined with theirs and we have more experience and memories together, that it will feel more normal to use those words with them, but for now, I'm keeping just the one mom and dad that I've got. And I can't wait for Ellie to use those words for our family. It may be a long time from now, but I am so looking forward to making sure that when she says Momma, it is a word that is full of love, and comfort, and safety and joy.
Thursday, February 7, 2013
A Baptism
A few weekends ago we had Eleanor baptized. It was a wonderful ceremony attended by family and all our local friends. E wore a beautiful heirloom lace gown from my mother's side of the family and she looked so peaceful and pure. It was so meaningful to add that tradition to the day.
I'm so thankful we were able to help E begin her journey of faith. I hope it will become a cornerstone of her beliefs about the world, guide her in her decisions, provide her with comfort, strength and peace, and be a place to find meaning in her life.
I was recently discussing faith with a friend, and shared that I felt my relationship with God has made my life both more meaningful and comfortable. I find meaning & comfort every day; whether it is because I know He has a careful plan for us, or because I can turn to him in prayer, or because I realize how much I have to be thankful for each day; I know my life has a tone of respect, kindness, reverence and thanksgiving that He has shared with me. I only hope that I can be the example Eleanor needs to find her own relationship with God.
Bringing a little being into this world refocuses you. It reminds you in a new way why family is important; all families-- your nuclear family, your chosen family of friends, your extended family, your faith family. Each contributes so much and in such a unique way.
We are blessed beyond measure. Both in ways we can see, and in the delicate weaving of our lives that we cannot.
Welcome to a community that will always provide comfort Eleanor Paige. This love is encompassing and eternal.
Xo,
Momma
I'm so thankful we were able to help E begin her journey of faith. I hope it will become a cornerstone of her beliefs about the world, guide her in her decisions, provide her with comfort, strength and peace, and be a place to find meaning in her life.
I was recently discussing faith with a friend, and shared that I felt my relationship with God has made my life both more meaningful and comfortable. I find meaning & comfort every day; whether it is because I know He has a careful plan for us, or because I can turn to him in prayer, or because I realize how much I have to be thankful for each day; I know my life has a tone of respect, kindness, reverence and thanksgiving that He has shared with me. I only hope that I can be the example Eleanor needs to find her own relationship with God.
Bringing a little being into this world refocuses you. It reminds you in a new way why family is important; all families-- your nuclear family, your chosen family of friends, your extended family, your faith family. Each contributes so much and in such a unique way.
We are blessed beyond measure. Both in ways we can see, and in the delicate weaving of our lives that we cannot.
Welcome to a community that will always provide comfort Eleanor Paige. This love is encompassing and eternal.
Xo,
Momma
Thursday, January 17, 2013
Intentions
I'm pretty late to be writing about 2013 resolutions as we are more than halfway through January, but I have been living them nonetheless, and I still wanted to talk about my intentions for this year. The more I talk about them, the more they stay in the forefront on my mind. Instead of coming up with a few specific items that I knew I would likely fail at, this year I decided on some themes I could work on all year long. I settled on three things: Be Present. Be Grateful. Be Kind.
Be Present.
This is a big one for me. I'm a worrier by nature, so I often find myself living too much in the future; thinking and feeling too anxious for what might come. Instead, this year I am going to focus on the here and now. And what a wonderful here and now it is! I'm going to put my phone down more and focus on the people in my life that I love and admire and who are smart, hilarious and thought provoking (and who are infinitely more important that anything going on in the internet world.). One specific way I'm going to work on this is to not have my phone out when feeding Ellie. As all breastfeeding mom's know, nursing can take up A LOT of your time. It's hard to just sit there quietly with your thoughts (it usually makes me start making mental lists, which leads to more worrying!) Initially, I checked things on my phone as a way to keep myself awake and occupied in the wee hours of the night as we were up (many other mom's watch TV, read, etc.). Now, it's just a habit that I do to pass the time while E fills her tiny belly. But it's a bad habit and one I want to break. So, I'm working to eradicate my phone from feeding sessions. I only have this special time with her for so long, and I need to savor it. I'm also working to put my phone down more when I'm with my husband or friends. My brain feels like it's been re-wired to always be searching for new information and it's a compulsion at this point to grab my phone and check email, twitter, facebook, text messages. There is almost never anything urgent for me to attend to, so I want to be intentional about using my phone. I want to put my time and energy into the people I am with instead. I want to re-train my brain the importance of the present, so I stop reactively grabbing my cellphone.
Be Grateful.
I'm reminded every day how many wonderful blessings I have in my life. I already often think about how much I have to be thankful for, but I want to be more intentional about it. I want to take advantage of it, and tell people how thankful I am. I want to truly feel it and live it. I am most grateful each day for my family. For a loving and present husband that goes out of his way to make me feel important to him, special and loved. (God certainly gave me the perfect partner for this life!) For a beautiful and healthy little girl who brightens every moment of my day. For the health, love and joy that our families bring to us, and for the times we have to share together, even if it is few and far between. For my friends who are family of another kind; a chosen family that lifts me up, that keeps me smiling, that pushes me to be better than I am, that helps me to understand and find humor in my life. I am thankful for our collective health. And this is a place where I know I can be more thankful, more intentional. I want to remember that I only have one body and this body will see me through everything so it's important to take care of it. So that I can run and play with Eleanor. So that I can grow old with Matthew and watch our family flourish. So that I can feel strong and healthy and good about myself. The way I plan to specifically work on this is to listen more to myself, cut myself some slack when I need to. I have always suffered from migraines and over the last handful of years I've begun to strongly suspect that in addition to hormones and weather patterns (which I can't control), a major trigger is likely a food intolerance or allergy (which I can control!). I've never made the time to figure out if this is the case because it always felt too daunting, but this year I'm committed to helping myself work toward a solution. (The fact that I'm breastfeeding and not able to take any medication for it is also helping to motivate me!) Here is where my intentions wonderfully overlap. As above, I'd also like to have a healthy psyche, and to stop worrying and filling my mind with things that haven't happened, might never happen, and that only pull me down. This year I plan to exercise regularly again, and go to yoga where I can unplug and be restored. Lastly, I'm immensely grateful that I can have this precious time at home with Eleanor. I'm thankful my husband was willing to help us find a way to do so, and that my office was willing to keep me on as a part-time consultant. I cherish every day with our sweet girl and I want to make each one count. I want to actively build memories together with her.
Be Kind.
I think kindness has somehow been put on a back burner in our culture and that disappoints me. Life isn't all about achieving and getting ahead. It's about helping others, stopping for a moment to consider what is right, going out of your way to improve someone else's life, lifting each other up. I'm guilty of this too, and I want to re-focus on simple things, like manners. I want to teach those to Eleanor and show her that in compassion there is joy and strength and most importantly respect for others. It builds character and creates boundless positivity in your own life. I want to give more attention and love to Foster who has sadly been a bit passed over these last few months. It's easy to push him out of the way when Eleanor needs something, but it isn't fair. They both deserve to feel comforted, important and loved. Here again, I want to be kind to myself and my body. It's been through a heckuva lot over the last year and I have learned so much about myself. Being pregnant taught me that I have to slow down, and take time to do things and I want to remember that. Life isn't a race.
Beyond these bigger lifestlye changes, I want to do little things like read more books, take more walks, listen to NPR, donate more things we don't use or need. What things are you planning to do in your life this year?
2013 is going to be an amazing year. Even if the circumstances of life are out of my control, I am hoping these daily intentions can help me to relax and find joy in each day.
Be Present.
This is a big one for me. I'm a worrier by nature, so I often find myself living too much in the future; thinking and feeling too anxious for what might come. Instead, this year I am going to focus on the here and now. And what a wonderful here and now it is! I'm going to put my phone down more and focus on the people in my life that I love and admire and who are smart, hilarious and thought provoking (and who are infinitely more important that anything going on in the internet world.). One specific way I'm going to work on this is to not have my phone out when feeding Ellie. As all breastfeeding mom's know, nursing can take up A LOT of your time. It's hard to just sit there quietly with your thoughts (it usually makes me start making mental lists, which leads to more worrying!) Initially, I checked things on my phone as a way to keep myself awake and occupied in the wee hours of the night as we were up (many other mom's watch TV, read, etc.). Now, it's just a habit that I do to pass the time while E fills her tiny belly. But it's a bad habit and one I want to break. So, I'm working to eradicate my phone from feeding sessions. I only have this special time with her for so long, and I need to savor it. I'm also working to put my phone down more when I'm with my husband or friends. My brain feels like it's been re-wired to always be searching for new information and it's a compulsion at this point to grab my phone and check email, twitter, facebook, text messages. There is almost never anything urgent for me to attend to, so I want to be intentional about using my phone. I want to put my time and energy into the people I am with instead. I want to re-train my brain the importance of the present, so I stop reactively grabbing my cellphone.
Be Grateful.
I'm reminded every day how many wonderful blessings I have in my life. I already often think about how much I have to be thankful for, but I want to be more intentional about it. I want to take advantage of it, and tell people how thankful I am. I want to truly feel it and live it. I am most grateful each day for my family. For a loving and present husband that goes out of his way to make me feel important to him, special and loved. (God certainly gave me the perfect partner for this life!) For a beautiful and healthy little girl who brightens every moment of my day. For the health, love and joy that our families bring to us, and for the times we have to share together, even if it is few and far between. For my friends who are family of another kind; a chosen family that lifts me up, that keeps me smiling, that pushes me to be better than I am, that helps me to understand and find humor in my life. I am thankful for our collective health. And this is a place where I know I can be more thankful, more intentional. I want to remember that I only have one body and this body will see me through everything so it's important to take care of it. So that I can run and play with Eleanor. So that I can grow old with Matthew and watch our family flourish. So that I can feel strong and healthy and good about myself. The way I plan to specifically work on this is to listen more to myself, cut myself some slack when I need to. I have always suffered from migraines and over the last handful of years I've begun to strongly suspect that in addition to hormones and weather patterns (which I can't control), a major trigger is likely a food intolerance or allergy (which I can control!). I've never made the time to figure out if this is the case because it always felt too daunting, but this year I'm committed to helping myself work toward a solution. (The fact that I'm breastfeeding and not able to take any medication for it is also helping to motivate me!) Here is where my intentions wonderfully overlap. As above, I'd also like to have a healthy psyche, and to stop worrying and filling my mind with things that haven't happened, might never happen, and that only pull me down. This year I plan to exercise regularly again, and go to yoga where I can unplug and be restored. Lastly, I'm immensely grateful that I can have this precious time at home with Eleanor. I'm thankful my husband was willing to help us find a way to do so, and that my office was willing to keep me on as a part-time consultant. I cherish every day with our sweet girl and I want to make each one count. I want to actively build memories together with her.
Be Kind.
I think kindness has somehow been put on a back burner in our culture and that disappoints me. Life isn't all about achieving and getting ahead. It's about helping others, stopping for a moment to consider what is right, going out of your way to improve someone else's life, lifting each other up. I'm guilty of this too, and I want to re-focus on simple things, like manners. I want to teach those to Eleanor and show her that in compassion there is joy and strength and most importantly respect for others. It builds character and creates boundless positivity in your own life. I want to give more attention and love to Foster who has sadly been a bit passed over these last few months. It's easy to push him out of the way when Eleanor needs something, but it isn't fair. They both deserve to feel comforted, important and loved. Here again, I want to be kind to myself and my body. It's been through a heckuva lot over the last year and I have learned so much about myself. Being pregnant taught me that I have to slow down, and take time to do things and I want to remember that. Life isn't a race.
Beyond these bigger lifestlye changes, I want to do little things like read more books, take more walks, listen to NPR, donate more things we don't use or need. What things are you planning to do in your life this year?
2013 is going to be an amazing year. Even if the circumstances of life are out of my control, I am hoping these daily intentions can help me to relax and find joy in each day.
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
Holidaze
It's been a whirlwind few weeks! We spent Ellie's first Christmas in Iowa with the Barron side of the family and then we saw the Kirk side for New Years. It's been such a special and fun few weeks.
Last year on Christmas Day we found out that our little one was on the way, and this year we had her with us to celebrate!!
Having a child makes Christmas feel so magical. We spent all our time enjoying her and making memories together. And it's so much more fun to open presents with her than our own!
As I sat in church on Christmas Eve I couldn't help but feel so happy & blest. 2012 has come to a close and it was one of the best years of my life. As I think about everything in store for us in 2013. It makes me so excited & proud to be part of this family and to be where I am in my life.
Here's to a happy, exciting and satisfying new year to all!!
Last year on Christmas Day we found out that our little one was on the way, and this year we had her with us to celebrate!!
Having a child makes Christmas feel so magical. We spent all our time enjoying her and making memories together. And it's so much more fun to open presents with her than our own!
As I sat in church on Christmas Eve I couldn't help but feel so happy & blest. 2012 has come to a close and it was one of the best years of my life. As I think about everything in store for us in 2013. It makes me so excited & proud to be part of this family and to be where I am in my life.
Here's to a happy, exciting and satisfying new year to all!!
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