Intentions

I'm pretty late to be writing about 2013 resolutions as we are more than halfway through January, but I have been living them nonetheless, and I still wanted to talk about my intentions for this year.  The more I talk about them, the more they stay in the forefront on my mind.  Instead of coming up with a few specific items that I knew I would likely fail at, this year I decided on some themes I could work on all year long.  I settled on three things: Be Present. Be Grateful. Be Kind.

Be Present.
This is a big one for me.  I'm a worrier by nature, so I often find myself living too much in the future; thinking and feeling too anxious for what might come.  Instead, this year I am going to focus on the here and now.  And what a wonderful here and now it is!  I'm going to put my phone down more and focus on the people in my life that I love and admire and who are smart, hilarious and thought provoking (and who are infinitely more important that anything going on in the internet world.).  One specific way I'm going to work on this is to not have my phone out when feeding Ellie.  As all breastfeeding mom's know, nursing can take up A LOT of your time.  It's hard to just sit there quietly with your thoughts (it usually makes me start making mental lists, which leads to more worrying!)  Initially, I checked things on my phone as a way to keep myself awake and occupied in the wee hours of the night as we were up (many other mom's watch TV, read, etc.).  Now, it's just a habit that I do to pass the time while E fills her tiny belly.  But it's a bad habit and one I want to break. So, I'm working to eradicate my phone from feeding sessions.  I only have this special time with her for so long, and I need to savor it.  I'm also working to put my phone down more when I'm with my husband or friends.  My brain feels like it's been re-wired to always be searching for new information and it's a compulsion at this point to grab my phone and check email, twitter, facebook, text messages.  There is almost never anything urgent for me to attend to, so I want to be intentional about using my phone.  I want to put my time and energy into the people I am with instead.  I want to re-train my brain the importance of the present, so I stop reactively grabbing my cellphone.


Be Grateful.
I'm reminded every day how many wonderful blessings I have in my life.  I already often think about how much I have to be thankful for, but I want to be more intentional about it.  I want to take advantage of it, and tell people how thankful I am.  I want to truly feel it and live it.  I am most grateful each day for my family.  For a loving and present husband that goes out of his way to make me feel important to him, special and loved.  (God certainly gave me the perfect partner for this life!)  For a beautiful and healthy little girl who brightens every moment of my day.  For the health, love and joy that our families bring to us, and for the times we have to share together, even if it is few and far between.  For my friends who are family of another kind; a chosen family that lifts me up, that keeps me smiling, that pushes me to be better than I am, that helps me to understand and find humor in my life.  I am thankful for our collective health. And this is a place where I know I can be more thankful, more intentional.  I want to remember that I only have one body and this body will see me through everything so it's important to take care of it.  So that I can run and play with Eleanor.  So that I can grow old with Matthew and watch our family flourish.  So that I can feel strong and healthy and good about myself.  The way I plan to specifically work on this is to listen more to myself, cut myself some slack when I need to.  I have always suffered from migraines and over the last handful of years I've begun to strongly suspect that in addition to hormones and weather patterns (which I can't control), a major trigger is likely a food intolerance or allergy (which I can control!).  I've never made the time to figure out if this is the case because it always felt too daunting, but this year I'm committed to helping myself work toward a solution.  (The fact that I'm breastfeeding and not able to take any medication for it is also helping to motivate me!)  Here is where my intentions wonderfully overlap.  As above, I'd also like to have a healthy psyche, and to stop worrying and filling my mind with things that haven't happened, might never happen, and that only pull me down. This year I plan to exercise regularly again, and go to yoga where I can unplug and be restored.  Lastly, I'm immensely grateful that I can have this precious time at home with Eleanor.  I'm thankful my husband was willing to help us find a way to do so, and that my office was willing to keep me on as a part-time consultant.  I cherish every day with our sweet girl and I want to make each one count.  I want to actively build memories together with her.


Be Kind.
I think kindness has somehow been put on a back burner in our culture and that disappoints me.  Life isn't all about achieving and getting ahead.  It's about helping others, stopping for a moment to consider what is right, going out of your way to improve someone else's life, lifting each other up.  I'm guilty of this too, and I want to re-focus on simple things, like manners.  I want to teach those to Eleanor and show her that in compassion there is joy and strength and most importantly respect for others.  It builds character and creates boundless positivity in your own life.  I want to give more attention and love to Foster who has sadly been a bit passed over these last few months.  It's easy to push him out of the way when Eleanor needs something, but it isn't fair.  They both deserve to feel comforted, important and loved.  Here again, I want to be kind to myself and my body.  It's been through a heckuva lot over the last year and I have learned so much about myself.  Being pregnant taught me that I have to slow down, and take time to do things and I want to remember that.  Life isn't a race.


Beyond these bigger lifestlye changes, I want to do little things like read more books, take more walks, listen to NPR, donate more things we don't use or need.  What things are you planning to do in your life this year?

2013 is going to be an amazing year.  Even if the circumstances of life are out of my control, I am hoping these daily intentions can help me to relax and find joy in each day.

Holidaze

It's been a whirlwind few weeks! We spent Ellie's first Christmas in Iowa with the Barron side of the family and then we saw the Kirk side for New Years. It's been such a special and fun few weeks.

Last year on Christmas Day we found out that our little one was on the way, and this year we had her with us to celebrate!!

Having a child makes Christmas feel so magical. We spent all our time enjoying her and making memories together. And it's so much more fun to open presents with her than our own!

As I sat in church on Christmas Eve I couldn't help but feel so happy & blest. 2012 has come to a close and it was one of the best years of my life. As I think about everything in store for us in 2013. It makes me so excited & proud to be part of this family and to be where I am in my life.

Here's to a happy, exciting and satisfying new year to all!!

I have no proper words to respond to the school shooting in Newtown, CT. So many beautiful tributes have been made to those that were lost. As a new parent, my heart is broken for those families who had a child that did not return home from school that day. I cannot fathom the pain they must be in as the reality of this settles into their lives.

I recently watched an interview with Elie Wiesel and Oprah Winfrey. Having lived through an unimaginable tragedy himself, where many children were killed as well, his reflection on the Holocaust sounded in my head as I watched the news coverage at Sandy Hook. When Oprah had asked Elie about the loss of his young sister (aged 7) and all the others at the concentration camps, he said:

"Why the children? My God, why the children? You know, that the million and a half children were killed. Straight from the train. Do you know what they have done to humanity? How many among them could have grown up to become scientists? Physicians. Poets. Scholars. Friends of humanity. Saviors of the world. What they have done to the world."

I could not agree more. The extra sadness felt when a young child is lost is felt most earnestly in their innocence and in a life not yet lived. What might those children have grown up to do?

My prayer is for peace, understanding, and strength to move forward for those families affected and for the survivors at Sandy Hook.

Our Little Acrobat

On Sunday Eleanor rolled over for the first time! She rolled from her tummy to her back. It was so much fun to watch her concentrating so hard and then celebrate her success. She was so proud of herself! It was a neat moment for us and I was so glad it happened on a day that Matthew was home. All of her hard work tired Ellie out so much that she slept 11 straight hours that night; two records in one day!

Empathy

Our family received some sad news today.  Long time family friend's of my husband lost their daughter on Monday.  Despite the fact that I never met this incredible woman, her passing leaves a big hole in our hearts.  You see this young lady and my husband fought a similar battle.  Sadly, hers was longer and harder than Matthew's, and my heart is just breaking for her family and friends.  Empathy is such a strong bond.  Having been through something yourself, it opens you up to others in a way you just can't imagine before hand.  Being a mother has also changed my view on things.  I know one day I won't be able to fix everything for Eleanor.  That I'll have to let her struggle through things, both little and big, and I won't be able to help.  That I'll only be able to love her and encourage her and give her strength and a safe harbor to come home to.  That scares me.  But it also reminds me that today I am lucky.  I'm lucky that my husband is in good health and so is my daughter.  I am lucky that Eleanor's problems are no worse than a wet diaper or an empty belly.  There will be days to come when this list is longer and scarier but for today I will just be grateful and know that God has a plan for all of us and that he has welcomed our friend into his arms where she can finally rest, and however small that feels right now, it is comforting to know she is safe and finally home.

Our First Thanksgiving

This year I have so very much to be grateful for. First, I'm so lucky to be married to such a wonderful, loving man. Our relationship is the basis for our family and I'm so proud and humbled by our partnership. Secondly, I am so very thankful for our sweet daughter Eleanor. Her little face lights up my heart every day. I feel so blessed to be her momma. I am thankful too for our warm home, our jobs, for our large family spread out across the US. For our family of another kind; our supportive, nurturing and hilarious friends that have buoyed our spirits when they were low, and have made each day more meaningful and more fun. As I sit here compiling all that I'm thankful for it is such a beautiful reminder that life is how you frame it to be. How lovely that we take a day to remember all the good we have in our lives.

Baby Blues

Looking into Eleanor's deep blue eyes could mesmerize you all day long. Their blueberry blue is so full of joy, and laughter and concentration.

Just the other day we were out for a walk together & I noticed something. With Ellie strapped up so close to me, and out in the natural light, those navy blue oceans had grown some beautiful golden brown flecks. Those spots seemed to appear overnight, but that's how everything is with a tiny baby; one minute they can barely latch on, the next they are professional nurserer, or their wobbly little head must be supported at all times and then you are teaching them to sit up. It's amazing to watch a little being grow up. I'm waiting with baited breath for every single dash and spot of color to splash onto her irises and to watch her grow into a young lady. It's the most amazing thing in this world.